still in love

so heeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I am. Still loving me some mr.handsome. It has to be the baby that makes me love him so much. It just seems like instantly,like a switch I want to be all up under him. or it could be my hormones.

change of heart

O.k so today i'm feeling different. Today I feel like i just wanna be all up underneath him. I love him so much. I miss him too. USually hes here but now he isn't and i miss him. Even when we argue I'm glad hes here to sortda protect me.I dont know if its the fact that we have a child together so we'll forever be connected or I'm really just starting to feel him and only him.I can see us being together.

we wish you a merry fucking christmas

In the mist of the holidays I have decided that i want to go back to school. that is the become a nurse. last time i was unsuccessful. and hopefully this time will work cuz home girl is tired of being on the couch on a cna salary. Other then that the holidays are not depressing. I'm use to ignoring them it comes natural. I didn't want to do anything big for the holidays. Sasha is only 3 months. And other then that I'm too broke to want to do anything. I'm going to take her to the doctor cuz she has been acting weird. coughing up mucus and sorts. It makes me nervous as hell. and u know who has to put their fucking two cents in it" "Pierre" I know we have a child together but when did that become a free for all to bash me. Everyday its something new. TONITE IT WAS "WELL YOU NOT FEEDING HER RIGHT" dawg back the fuck off. this whole time every time she cry,she sick she sick. now i really do think she is sick.I cant stand him. And that's not the worst of it. Two days ago he bring his 1 child over my house and just talks about our relationship problems in front of him. forces him to say that he loves. that little boy don't even know me. come on. I'm very piss. in a very pissy mood. I cant take it anymore.But as my friends would say i ain't going to leave . After being with him for this long and actually letting myself slipped up and get pregnant by him. I know I'm not going anywhere. I would have left a LONG time ago. like when he first came over my house high as fuck trippin talking about we goin be life partners. or better yet recently before i had the baby when he put his hands around my throat and slam me to the floor. NO I ain't going nowhere how pitiful is that

fustrated

I CANT TAKE ANYMORE. My insides hurt from hurting so much. I dont know if anyone has ever held in their tears before but that shit hurts. I feel like....bad He just doesnt get it. I know I said wuldnt make this a mr.handsome blog but fuck it.No nvm I'm too tired to even talk about his ass anymore. I just want to get in sum bodies skool get a gud career and start in the path of my journey towards being a successful black woman and a fabulous role model for my daughter muah

self image pt 2

I really dont want to make this an i hate mr handsome blog because i know my life doesn't revovle around him. but seriously. its about 3 am and the baby was crying you think this nigga got up. hell no.hes a fucking loser, he expects me to do everything around here. and he just get all the got damn sleep. In the mean time my bff is prego. so happy for her. but now shes callin herself mrs.brooks????she just met this dude. mea i think its great that she got somebody and all and he claims he wants totake care of her and hovs baby. lol I hope he does cuz aibt buffin worse then a nigga using your baby to get to sum pussy. I dont know why i find him suspect. it colud be the fact hes only 19 and shes about to be 22.I never known a 19 year old that u just met to want to take care of u and a ur bay bay. doea he have a brother

self image

O.k so yesterday me and mr.handsome(my bf even though he aint all that handsome) was talking and he grabs my after prego belly and says"wat are you going to do with dat.Omg I think I look so good compare to all the other women thats trying to loosed lbs in the double digits of pregnancy weight. I feel like sometimes he really thinks he desearve some model chick in the videos. Like dude Women dont always look like dat sorry. He treats me as if I have to be with him. its a treat to be with him.It made me mad.So mad and to add on to insult I ask him if we were going to be together I would like to have more. and hes all like no. I say if you won the lottery could we have more kids he said no. He said it aint the money. Then wat is it. Its so sad cuz I get so mad. I dont want to live my whole life wit this dude?!!!!!!!!!!!

still here

yeah this nigga is really trippin toDAY i made his skin crawl. yup dats what the hell he said to me.. Wen am i going to leave this sorry ass dude-i dont know. drama!! My daughter is getting bigger and bigger last thursday she weighed 6 lbs 12 oz. speaking of weight. i think i need to gain more. I feel so skinn last time i weighed 113 and this was right after i had the baby. goodness

long time no hear from

so Its been awhile. And yes I had the baby early. and guess wat so did my ex's whoa I'm not even going there. I mean but who did i piss off for both of my ex boos to have all of our babies in the same month. Going back to work is hard. As much as i would want to be posted in the house with my baby all day. I NEED MONEY. LOL seriously. The father of my child.Hes an asshole but wat else is new.Right now i'm so tired of talking about him. and seriously not looking towards my future with him. I mean my anger towards him grows everyday. In the past he has called me "garbarge"Told me he dont care about me. all types of indicator to leave his sorry ass. but i dont. At first it was for love but now its for sasha. I mean i feel like theres no love in this relationship. I think of him and I think I cant stand him. How dare he talk to shit to me and expect me to want to be with him physically. hell nah.. I've never known garbage to have sex so come up to me buddy. anywho. my "bestie" is having a baby. horray for her. I pray to goodness she will be better at maintaining a relationship wit her f-m then i'am cuz i suck.

aww naww

maN BOTH MY EX'S ARE HAVEING BABYS THAT ARE CLOSE TO MY DUE DATE..AINT THAT SUM SHIT...ITS SO FUNNY BECAUSE ONE OF MY EX'S WAS MY FIRST AND i'VE BEEN PREGNANT BY HIM BEFORE.NOW THAT HIS BABY IS DUE ON OCT AND MY BABY DUE IN NOV IT MAKES ME ANGRY..I COULD JUST URGHHHH FUCK IT..THE OTHER GUY HE WAS A REBOUND TO MY FIRST AND HIS BABY IS DUE IN SEPT.. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

last nite..

I know I'm yung but I swear i feel old... I feel like I'm ready to settle down I dont want to date and then date again..I feel like the dude i have now has great qualities. I mean Like he has potential if he just apply hisself and plus hes my child father.i tell my friends about it and their like I like him because I want him to control me and I aint never had no daddy so i'm lokking that type of fatherly love yada yada yada yah..I mean I love him I dont look at him like my dad I look at him like my man..And I want to make it work but then reality sets in..we argue constantly.Who the hell wants to deal wit dat for the next 50 years.. and he smokes will we even last 50 years lol.wrong but true..