still in love

so heeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I am. Still loving me some mr.handsome. It has to be the baby that makes me love him so much. It just seems like instantly,like a switch I want to be all up under him. or it could be my hormones.

change of heart

O.k so today i'm feeling different. Today I feel like i just wanna be all up underneath him. I love him so much. I miss him too. USually hes here but now he isn't and i miss him. Even when we argue I'm glad hes here to sortda protect me.I dont know if its the fact that we have a child together so we'll forever be connected or I'm really just starting to feel him and only him.I can see us being together.

we wish you a merry fucking christmas

In the mist of the holidays I have decided that i want to go back to school. that is the become a nurse. last time i was unsuccessful. and hopefully this time will work cuz home girl is tired of being on the couch on a cna salary. Other then that the holidays are not depressing. I'm use to ignoring them it comes natural. I didn't want to do anything big for the holidays. Sasha is only 3 months. And other then that I'm too broke to want to do anything. I'm going to take her to the doctor cuz she has been acting weird. coughing up mucus and sorts. It makes me nervous as hell. and u know who has to put their fucking two cents in it" "Pierre" I know we have a child together but when did that become a free for all to bash me. Everyday its something new. TONITE IT WAS "WELL YOU NOT FEEDING HER RIGHT" dawg back the fuck off. this whole time every time she cry,she sick she sick. now i really do think she is sick.I cant stand him. And that's not the worst of it. Two days ago he bring his 1 child over my house and just talks about our relationship problems in front of him. forces him to say that he loves. that little boy don't even know me. come on. I'm very piss. in a very pissy mood. I cant take it anymore.But as my friends would say i ain't going to leave . After being with him for this long and actually letting myself slipped up and get pregnant by him. I know I'm not going anywhere. I would have left a LONG time ago. like when he first came over my house high as fuck trippin talking about we goin be life partners. or better yet recently before i had the baby when he put his hands around my throat and slam me to the floor. NO I ain't going nowhere how pitiful is that

fustrated

I CANT TAKE ANYMORE. My insides hurt from hurting so much. I dont know if anyone has ever held in their tears before but that shit hurts. I feel like....bad He just doesnt get it. I know I said wuldnt make this a mr.handsome blog but fuck it.No nvm I'm too tired to even talk about his ass anymore. I just want to get in sum bodies skool get a gud career and start in the path of my journey towards being a successful black woman and a fabulous role model for my daughter muah